Only In His Dreams
by girlyghoul
Summary: After taking the African Dream Root to enter Dean's subconscious mind, Sam stumbles upon his brother's disturbing secret fantasy. AU and Spoilers for Season 3's "Dream a Little Dream".


Summary: AU and Spoilers for Dream a Little Dream. After taking the Dream Root to enter Dean's subconscious mind, Sam stumbles upon his brother's disturbing secret fantasy.

DISCLAIMER- I don't own these guys or their secret fantasies... darn it!

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ONLY IN HIS DREAMS

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The nightmare was over. Jeremy was defeated. Bobby was safe at last. Dean was safe too, and though he knew he should feel grateful, he could take no comfort in the fact. Not after everything that had happened. Not after everything that Sam had seen inside his head.

He took his eyes off the road long enough to steal a glance at his brother. Sam was staring out over the dashboard looking dazed and lost. He hadn't spoken a word or even so much as looked at Dean since they had awakened from the African Dream Root's spell.

Dean shook his head in sorrow. His private thoughts, his darkest fantasies had been invaded and now there were no secrets between them. It had been mortifying to give Sam that window into his deepest desire, the shameful longing he'd kept hidden all these years. And now that Sam knew the truth, he wondered if his brother would ever be able to look at him the same way again.

He pulled the Impala into the motel's lot and parked in front of their room. Sam continued to stare straight ahead, making no move to exit the car.

Dean heaved a huge sigh studying the younger man's troubled reflection in the windshield.

"Are we gonna talk about this?" he asked quietly.

"I don't really know what to say." Sam mumbled.

"I told you not to go digging around in my head!"

"Dean, I had to go in!" Sam said defensively, "I couldn't let you face Jeremy alone! I just wasn't expecting..."

Sam bowed his head and rubbed at his temples struggling against the memories.

"I just wasn't expecting to see you having dreams like..._that_..."

"Yeah..." Dean shifted nervously in his seat, "Maybe I should have warned you..."

"And I most definitely was not expecting to see you having dreams like that about..." Sam swallowed hard, "Me!"

"You were never supposed to know, Sammy!" Dean pounded his fist against the steering wheel, "That's a part of me no one was ever supposed to know about, ok? It's embarrassing and you better not tell anyone about what you saw ever!"

"Dean..." Sam began cautiously, "I never realized you felt so…I mean…Just how long have you been...uhh... fantasizing… about me like… that?"

"Sam, that is none of your..."

"How long?"

Sam finally turned to look at his brother and now it was Dean's turn to look away.

"Since you were 16." he confessed.

"Wow..."

"Every night since you were 16..."

"Every night!" Sam gasped, "Dude!"

"I can't help it!" Dean cried, "I close my eyes, I go to sleep and there you are..."

"But Dean! Every night?"

"Yes Sam! Every night!"

"Dude, that is so...abnormal..." Sam shuddered.

"I don't see what's so abnormal about it," Dean said carefully, "I mean, considering how we grew up... is it really so strange that I would dream about you in that way?"

"I don't know, man. What I saw, that was just…wrong! There's gotta be some deep seated psychological..."

"They're just dreams, Sam!" Dean snapped, "They're just images that pop into my head when I'm asleep!"

Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration as Sam eyed him anxiously.

"It's just a fantasy, all right?" he shrugged, "I know it's not reality and never will be. I accepted that a long time ago. Can we just move past this? Please?"

"Ok," Sam nodded slowly, "Just so long as you understand... I can't be that way for you. As much as you might want me to be... that's just not how I am and nothing's gonna change that."

"I know that, Sammy," Dean said, "Of course I know that!"

"Good." Sam sighed in relief.

"But hey, a guy can dream, can't he?" Dean grinned.

"Shut up!"

"So, are we cool?" Dean asked, "'Cause it's been a rough couple of days and I really need to get some shut eye."

"Yeah, we're cool."

They got out of the car and headed to their room. Dean unlocked the door and was about to enter when he noticed Sam lagging behind.

"Sam?"

"Uhh, you know what. I think I'm gonna drive around. Clear my head... make sure there's no more African Dream Root in my system..."

"Ok, whatever," Dean tossed him the keys, "Just don't scratch my Baby!"

"Get some sleep," Sam said then reluctantly added, "Err... sweet dreams?"

"Shut up back at ya!"

Dean stomped into the room and slammed the door behind him. He waited until he heard the Impala's engine rumbling out of the parking lot before kicking off his shoes and settling into bed. He would have fought off sleep with all his might if his body wasn't so damn exhausted. But slumber soon overtook him and carried him off into the world of his secret shame...

*****

The dream begins as it always does. Dean walks into their motel room to find Sam lying in bed, dutifully working at his laptop.

"Well, hey there, Sammy Boy!" he says, "You got something good for me?"

"Oh, you bet I do, Big Brother!" Sam answers, his voice full of promise.

And then he slides off the bed and walks slowly towards Dean... standing a good foot and a half shorter than his brother.

"I found us a hunt!" Sam exclaims, looking way, way up at Dean.

"That's great, Sammy!" Dean says, patting his shrimpy sibling on the head, "But let me take the lead. After all, I'm older!"

"And taller!" Sam beams with deep admiration, "Just as it should be!"

Then he hurries his stumpy little legs to keep up with Dean's giant strides as they head off for another adventure.

THE END

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**Reviews are like Dreams come true! :-)! Even though this is an older story I love to hear what you think! Feedback is always appreciated and I'm very good at responding to reviews. I've met some awesome people that way! **

**ETA: 4-7-2010 A****nd I don't know if you'll check back on this story, but to the lovely anonymous reviewer Miss Myth, yes! When someone leaves a review it goes straight to the author's email so yes, I get them still and greatly appreciate them. Yours came in while I was having a really rough time and TOTALLY made my day! :-)!! The only bad thing is that with anonymous reviews I can't reply back directly. So a great big collective hug and kiss to anonymous reviewers everywhere! You come in like quietly like little invisible pixies and sprinkle magic happy dust in your wake! Hee hee!**

**So just to get back to the previous point I wrote so many months ago I don't even remember, Reviews are GREAT! If you liked this story or any story you've read on this Fan Fic Net, drop the author a line, even if its an older story. They'll get it and it'll put a smile on their face Spread the Love!! :-)!**


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